Being smart isn’t enough, because the world revolves around people

We’re going to have so many everyday, in-person, interactions with people who have no idea what’s on our resumes; to them, you’re a raw human being with a handful of personality traits. To them, we’re just the (possibly stereotyped) mental images that can be gathered from 20 seconds of talking to us and observing our body language. But observing someone for 20 seconds can actually tell you a lot about them. And these everyday interactions can actually make a difference.

I took my (4th) driving test a few days ago. The instructor was a middle-aged lady who honestly looked really tired of her job. I glanced at her iPad, and saw appointment after appointment of driving tests after mine. I knew that I really badly had to pass this test, because I probably wouldn’t get another chance to take it again until September, or maybe even later. But there was no reason for her to be polite or lenient. This was just her job. She couldn’t care less about the test-takers; in fact, maybe the best part of her job was the little bit of power she had to determine our results, and stop people from getting undeserved licenses. If there was anything she was looking forward to that day, it was definitely not her job. If anything, it stood on the other side of several hours of utterly boring work.

She wasn’t in a very good mood and didn’t have much patience, so the best thing I could do was being as polite as possible -- apologizing when she had to remind me multiple times of where to turn, and when I accidentally drove over a pothole, which she complained about; asking as few questions as possible because she didn’t seem to like being asked questions.

But I couldn’t help but wish that I could do something more for her than just being polite. If only I were one of those charming individuals who could make anyone’s day by telling a joke or a story or getting them to talk about something they liked -- or even just getting them to smile. If only I were the type of person who she’d look at and think, “maybe I could be friends with them”. If only I looked like I had more in common with her… with the average person…?

Maybe she looked me over and thought, it’s another Asian who just wants to be smart and make money and win, and doesn’t care about the other 300 million people in this country.

Or maybe she looked at me and thought, it’s another privileged young person who grew up with actually caring parents who gave her a good education, and surrounded herself with other people like this, and most definitely doesn’t care about the other 200 million people in this country who didn’t have this privilege.

If only I had the charm and charisma to prove these stereotypes wrong with words or body language; break down those walls and get through to who she was as a person beneath the layers of boredom and skepticism. I knew the smiles and laughter existed, although maybe they only came out when she interacted with her friends and other people who understood her. There were definitely store clerks or restaurant waiters who had made her day through random conversations before. There were definitely things I could have said or done, which could have poked a hole in her rock-hard shell and extracted a small amount of warmth, which could have come with a small amount of lenience, leading to a win-win situation: I’d improve her mood, and in return I’d have a slightly easier driving test. Because she didn’t want people to fail their driving tests. She just wanted to be happy, and have other people make her happy.

However, I had no clue what these things were.

Driving tests, bargain purchases, asking favors from people, and so many more interactions in life, are subjective -- so how you present as a human, and interact with other humans, can actually impact your results.

I ended up passing the test. However, the instructor didn’t tell me that I passed; we went through the whole course and then she handed me my learner’s permit, went back into the DMV and told me to sit somewhere to wait to get my photo taken. I was confused for a bit but then concluded that I had passed… also, she had marked my learner’s permit but I hadn’t noticed. There was no sign of happiness in her behavior though, because I guess she didn’t have the energy to spend on unnecessary happiness; nothing more than what she was being paid to do, which was administering the test.

I don’t know how I could get across to people who are so different from me without actually experiencing what they’ve been through. (Or maybe this is the only way?) The first step would be to look outside the bubble of educated, middle+upper class, young people -- or at least be very very conscious that I am in such a bubble. It would take empathy, and so much more.